So things are still difficult but they are getting better.  Lil man gained back to his birth weight, and we dont have to go back to the dr til his 2 month check up.  He is still having trouble with his belly, but we are up to 4 hrs between feedings.  My depression is still there and at times overwhelming but im better able to deal with it, im not crying all the time now.  Just half, lol. 

I can drive starting tomorrow, so next week i start trying to figure out what im gonna do when my maternity leave is over.  I need to find out if im eligible for daycare assistance or not. 

I found out yesterday that S had not told his family any thing about the baby.  I got an email from his aunt congratulating me on the baby, but i could tell she didnt know it was his.  It upsets me that he isnt proud of him. . . . .it shouldnt but it does.  I think part of me still has a small hope that we will end up back together and somehow make it work as a family.  He told me he wasnt able to come in this weekend ( he had previously told me he was going to come in) because he had to go inpatient at the hospital for chemo.  I offered to come down and help him, but he turned me down.  Which kindve hurt my feelings.  But im trying not to take it personally and look at it as i should be glad, but i still worry about him.  I shouldn't but i do.. .  . . .